Graduates Deserve a Happier Future

I was never invited to speak at a graduation ceremony, but if I were, this is what I’d have to say. I don’t think I’d be remembered as a very uplifting speaker, but I think I’d be the guy who was willing to risk how I’d be remembered to bring the most useful information you could hear on that day.

Sometimes I cringe a little when I see people giving advice to recent graduates looking for work. Having lived in the real world a little, most of us will admit that the advice tends to be very saccharine and a bit Pollyanna. Not very realistic and certainly not what I would consider very helpful, when it comes right down to it. It’s very popular to be optimistic and weave a nice fairy tale when giving this kind of advice. I think that’s more because it looks good for the person giving the advice to give positive advice. The truth is that in some ways, it’s a bummer to prepare kids for reality. There are obviously a lot of great things for kids to look forward to in life, but they need also to be prepared for the idea that the future isn’t necessarily just paved with pure success. Sometimes things are messy or accidental, or there’s some collateral damage. I mean childhood and even college is this big bubble of positivity, and then, WHACK, along comes a year like 2020 that deals out harsh reality liberally to all. No, no one “deserves” a year like this, but deserving doesn’t have anything to do with it.

Everybody is somehow surprised when life doesn’t really work out according to the fairy tale. I think we do kids a disservice by blowing them full of all of this sort of stuff:

• You can do anything you want to do
• Follow your passion
• Live with no regrets
• Expectation to start over $X
• All the good jobs are for college grads
• Your plans will work out if you believe in them
• Don’t get distracted from your goals

Here’s some reality:

A lot of adults change career fields.

When you are a teenager, you can’t really be expected to make the best decisions about the rest of your life in the real world. You probably don’t even know what your choices are, or have a good handle on what the real world is. Some do, but most don’t. And some that do are just lucky or had a lot of help.

I didn’t get it right the first time. I started with 2 years in music school, and then 4 years as a musician in the Navy. I thought I would explode if I had to play “Eye Of The Tiger” one more time.

At the end of my time in the Navy, I went to a state employment agency and took some aptitude and interest testing. This reminded me that I liked to tinker, design, draw, and build. And the GI Bill helped send me back to engineering school.

Passion at your job can backfire

I loved music. I had very definite ideas about what I wanted to do. I wanted to play trombone in an orchestra. Dvorak, Tchaikovsky, Sibelius, not Eye Of The Tiger. The problem was that the number of jobs where people got to do what I wanted to do in the US was less than 100, and people kept those jobs for decades. Thousands of graduates seek those positions every year, only the lucky get auditions, and only the severely talented get jobs. I went to an audition for a small orchestra that paid $17,000 per year. Not nearly enough to live on. 100 people showed up with trombones, hoping to sit in that one chair. The best trombonist I knew was also there, and he didn’t even make the first cut out of three rounds. The ones who come in 2nd – or 100th – wind up doing one of two things: sleeping on a friends couch (who got a job) or looking for a different job.

It’s inspiring to hear that story about the one person who worked very hard, and got that one seat for $17,000. But that was one person out of 100, most of which also worked very hard. There were a lot of deserving people who were told “You can do anything you want to do” that day who spent the night on the couch.

Your job should be something you enjoy, but don’t mind it when other people call the shots – or tell you to play Eye Of The Tiger. If you’re passionate about something, you aren’t going to be patient with other people calling the shots. So I think passion is best for hobbies.

Today I play music I love in groups I want to play with. I make great friends and feel much more fulfilled. And I also have a job using CAD software that I really enjoy that allows me to buy trombones and my own bed with a roof to put over it. There is something to be said for that.

Pick a job that plays to your strengths. Interests are different from strengths. You might need some external help to recognize the difference, and to pick out these traits in your self.

Live with no regrets

This one makes me laugh. If you make it to 50 with no regrets, then:

a) your name is Paul McCartney
b) you didn’t really try very hard or take any chances
c) you’ve got a pretty low bar for what you consider success
d) you aren’t very self-critical

If you haven’t failed, you probably haven’t aimed very high or taken a risk.

It’s just not realistic to think you’re not going to have any regrets. You’re going to run into something, make a mistake, get involved with the wrong people, have a run of bad luck. You can always look back and see things that you should have done, or shouldn’t have done. There is no such thing as a person without regrets. Regret isn’t something to aspire to, but neither should you be afraid of it. Regret is that process that helps you turn a negative into a positive, and since you won’t be able to 100% avoid negatives in life, regret is actually one process you need to remain positive.

I deserve to start at a six-figure salary

Maybe you do, and maybe your parents think you do, but chances are your boss and the accountant are going to see things differently. Just because you heard one person who got a deal like this doesn’t mean that everybody gets that deal, or that you will get it. Some jobs pay more than others. Sometimes it’s the hard jobs that pay less. Like a social worker, teacher, or policeman – all very crucial and very difficult jobs, sometimes even dangerous or requiring a degree or an advanced degree – and all jobs that don’t pay that much. Pay isn’t necessarily a good measure of worth. That can be a hard one to accept. Getting hung up on pay can lead you to resent the work you enjoy or are really good at, so it’s best to try to let go of this one as early as possible.

Ironically, the longer you spend in a job, the more money you will make, and the less you will do. In fact, a lot of people get “promoted” out of interesting (low paying) jobs into extremely dull better paying jobs. This is roughly what is known as the “Peter Principle” – you will tend to rise to the level of your incompetence. This may sound like bad advice, but instead of allowing other people to direct your career, it is sometimes more advisable to move to a new job at a new company rather than accept a promotion. It’s the one certain way to avoid the Peter principle.

All the good jobs are for college grads

I won’t recite here the list of dropout billionaires. I haven’t used much of my college education in my engineering career. Sometimes 4 years in the military is better than 4 years at college. Plus it pays, and you get to travel, and counts as work experience. Some jobs like welding or CNC operator or general web lackey require some basic starting instruction, and then you’re off and running. I don’t think it’s a bad idea to spend a few years out of high school learning a trade, and getting a realistic view of the world while you decide what you want to do. Your working life is going to be longer than your grandfather’s was. You’ve got time to make a good decision.

Your plans will work out if you believe in them

You know, sometimes your plans are just bad plans. You might not have any way of knowing that. Sometimes there are things in life that you didn’t account for. Sometimes other people get in the way of your plans for glorious galaxial dominion. Sometimes you need a backup plan, or a backup backup plan.

But… don’t discount the power of accidental opportunity. Chance. Serendipity. Sometimes great opportunities just fall out of the sky on you. Sometimes you should avoid getting distracted, but sometimes, you should learn to seize the day.

Have a plan, but understand that there is a time to let go.

Don’t get distracted from your goals

Even after my big career change from musician to engineer, I got an opportunity as a writer. All those years ago, that aptitude testing suggested that I might do well as a writer, but I picked engineering instead. Suddenly I had the opportunity to be an engineering author just dropped in my lap. I recognized the synergy, and jumped at the chance. Today I make about half of my living from writing, and half from engineering.

Summary

The fact is that for someone starting out on life and a career, there is a lot to look forward to, but trying to map out every inch of the next 60 years for yourself has a lot of chances to get off track somewhere. The best things you can learn are how to recognize good advice, how to recognize good opportunity, and knowing when to hold ’em and when to fold ’em. A plan is a good thing, but flexibility should be part of the plan.